Life Together: SALT's Commentary for Fifteenth Sunday after Pentecost
Fifteenth Sunday after Pentecost (Year A): Matthew 18:15-20
Big Picture:
1) Last week, we explored Jesus’ teachings about a “deeper physics,” a lifegiving pattern deep down in creation, according to which — despite how the world sometimes seems on the surface — what’s truly important is actually driven by love and humility and generosity. This week’s reading continues this kind of thinking, now applied to human conflict.
2) Such wisdom has never been more pressing, as we continue to live through one of the most polarized periods in American history, including a divided and divisive political campaign season, cultural wars aplenty, military wars around the world — not to mention the conflicts that ebb and flow in our personal lives, neighborhoods, and congregations.
3) This week’s reading is sandwiched between two parables underscoring love, mercy, and inclusion. First, the parable of the lost sheep, in which God “leaves the ninety-nine” sheep in order to find and save the one that’s gone astray, such that not “one of these little ones should be lost” (Matthew 18:10-14). And second, the parable of the unforgiving servant, a call to forgiveness we’ll explore next week (Matthew 18:21-35). The implication is that while conflict should be faced squarely and wisely, our approach should always be framed by mercy.
4) As this passage candidly confronts, churches are by no means immune to conflict, and in fact are often hotbeds of it. The challenge in church life, then, isn’t about becoming “conflict-free,” but rather about having conflicts in healthy, life-giving ways. For more on the too often discouraging, dysfunctional dynamics of church conflict today, see SALT’s post, “My Very Own Church Conflict.”
Scripture:
1) As we enter the doorway of this passage, it’s helpful to bear in mind the classic, counterproductive, even death-dealing ways we’re often tempted to engage in conflict. First, we’re tempted to avoid it. Second, we’re tempted to gossip: to tell other people about the person or behavior that’s offended us, rather than addressing our concerns directly to the person or people involved. Third, we’re tempted to gang up on each other, to recruit like-minded people to our side and create echo chambers of grievance. Fourth, we’re tempted to air our grievances only in such echo-chambers, or in front of overwhelmingly friendly audiences where accountability or alternative perspectives are minimal. And fifth, we’re tempted to regard our opponents as if they are unwelcome or better off elsewhere, outside our community entirely. In this week’s reading, Jesus takes on these five temptations, one at a time.
2) Against avoidance: Right out of the gates, Jesus is clear that in cases of significant offense, avoidance and evasion aren’t good options; go directly to source of the issue, he says, and share your concerns.
3) Against gossip: If you feel offended or critical, Jesus insists, begin not by telling someone else, but rather by directly communicating with the person (or people) by whom you’ve been offended — and do so, if possible, one-on-one, “when the two of you are alone” (Matthew 18:15). This respectfully allows the person to clear up any misunderstanding, or to apologize and make amends — and all the while, to save face. This approach implicitly says: I respect you enough to give you space to rectify this, without embarrassing you in front of others; and I’m humble enough to recognize that I may have misunderstood something, or may have something to learn. And it wisely avoids the “triangulation” so corrosive to human communities.
4) Against ganging up in an echo chamber of grievance: only after this first step has proven impossible or ineffective, Jesus says, should a second step be taken — though here again, direct communication is the strategy, not echo-chamber-meetings held in secret, apart from the alleged offender. Go directly to him or her, not with a gang of five or ten, but with “one or two” as witnesses (Matthew 18:16). This communicates the same respect and humility of the “one-on-one” approach, while at the same time adding the wisdom and experience one or two others might provide. In some situations, a third-party perspective can help two parties in conflict find common ground and a way forward.
4) Against airing grievances only with friendly audiences: If steps one and two don’t prove fruitful and the issue persists, Jesus says, step three is to share your grievance with the whole community (Matthew 18:17). Not the part of the community that will likely agree with you, or the part that will likely agree with the person who’s offended you; but the whole community (or, by the same principle, a representative cross-section thereof, like a church council). Including the person who’s offended you! This “whole group” approach does at least two things. First, it keeps you accountable, since with diverse listeners, you’ll be less likely to exaggerate, omit key details, or deny either how you’ve contributed to the problem or how you can help rectify it. And likewise, second, with diverse listeners, the alleged offender will be similarly accountable. This step (like the preceding step, to a lesser extent) can act as a kind of “sunlight” strategy: problems can fester and multiply in the dark, and in certain cases, letting sunlight in can help — and keep all of us on our best behavior.
5) Against excommunication: Wait a minute — doesn’t Jesus actually agree with excluding an unrepentant offender from the community, saying, “let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (Matthew 18:17)? On the one hand, yes: unabashed offenders who insist on destructive or dysfunctional behavior should, in the end, be given a clear message: “stop this behavior, or step away from the community.” The church is a mission, after all, and the mission needs to be carried out. But on the other hand, Jesus qualifies this recommendation in at least three ways: first, by preceding and following this teaching with two parables of mercy and inclusion (the latter of which, on forgiveness, we’ll explore next week). Second, by clearly positioning exclusion as a last resort, to be taken only after three other intentional, constructive steps. And third, we all know what happens in Jesus’ ministry to “Gentiles” and “tax collectors”! In surprising, graceful ways, these supposed outsiders are ultimately included in both Jesus’ mission and the beloved community.
6) The stakes in such matters are high — indeed, higher than we might think. Jesus puts it this way: Heaven and earth are closely linked, such that what we do here resonates with what happens there (Matthew 18:18). Our agreements — whether wise or contemptuous, healthy or unhealthy — have profound consequences, near and far. When just two or three of us gather in Jesus’ name, he is present; but as this week’s teaching makes clear, we can’t truly gather “in Jesus’ name” so long as we gossip, build echo chambers, or evade accountability. But to put the same point more positively: we do gather in Jesus' name when, as we navigate conflict in our life together, we directly, respectfully communicate; welcome sunlight; and humbly open ourselves to other wisdom about how to move forward.
Takeaways:
1) Conflicts happen — even and especially in the church. Accordingly, the church is called not to be a place free from conflict (itself an unhealthy, conflict-causing idea!), but rather to be a form of “life together” where conflicts happen in healthy, constructive ways. The good news of the Gospel this week is that this is indeed possible, and that there’s a “deeper physics” of human conflict we can all follow, with the Spirit’s help.
2) The steps Jesus outlines here aren’t magical, and they don’t fit every situation. But they help make manifest a set of underlying principles worth bearing in mind whenever we face conflicts, large or small (which would be, um, just about every day!).
3) One such principle is this: always act with a bias toward direct communication and actual solutions, speaking with the person (or people) who have created — and can change — the circumstances of concern. Another principle: start with the smallest group possible (one-on-one, for instance, or one-on-one with a witness), and then carefully, incrementally widen the group, if necessary. And another: avoid echo chambers and friendly-only audiences. And finally: our actions, in large and small conflicts, have profound consequences, on earth as it is in heaven. Never underestimate the ripple effects our behavior can have, even in the most minor dust-ups, as we sacramentally model — for ourselves and others, near and far — how to manage the conflicts that make up so much of our lives.
4) Finally, Jesus’ ministry writ large is one of reconciliation, liberation, justice, healing, and tikkun olam (Hebrew for “repair of the world”). Viewed through this lens, conflicts are nothing less than opportunities to participate in God’s reconciling, reparative work. If we take this seriously, we can even learn to look forward to conflicts — imagine that! — as occasions to pattern our life together according to the “deeper physics,” the dynamics of love, with which God made and remakes the world.